2014

So it's 2014 and it's already half way through January.

Time flies.

I read something recently that kind of stopped me in my tracks. I can't remember the exact phrasing but it was along the lines of; "You can't stop time, you can't go back in time, and you never know when your time is up, but you CAN create more time by choosing how you spend it."

How about that. So true. Sometimes I feel so rushed, hurried, harassed, stressed and overwhelmed - all because I believe I have too much to do and not enough time to do it. This year, I am not going to do as much. All those extra things that are not essential or necessary or enjoyable. The things that don't add value to my days or to my family. That will create more time. And I will consciously choose how to spend it - take control of my happiness, if you like.

I'm going to keep taking photos and keep learning more about how to take great ones. I can see how far I've come in 6 short months, and it's exciting to think about how much more I have to learn.

I'm starting with a personal trainer tomorrow because that's the only way I know to force myself to move.

And I've signed up to A Simple Year - 12 months of guided simplicity. I changed last year. Something flicked in my brain and I don't think the same way anymore. It's not as simple as not wanting as much stuff around me. I genuinely want for less. It's a subtle, but seismic, shift that has infiltrated my life is so many ways.

In 2013 I decided I wanted to focus on four things: getting better at taking photos; choosing happiness; practicing simplicity; and prioritising my health and well-being. It appears I'm not done with those yet.

Happy New Year. I hope your 2014 is breathtaking.

The road to less - part 4: the Great Declutter of 2013

Last week I took four days 'off' to purge this house. It was intense, exhausting, exhilarating, liberating, addictive, and confronting.

When I first wrote this list, I wasn't sure I'd get through it all in four days. But I did. And I feel satisfied.

Before last week, there wasn't a single square metre in the house that was calm, free from visual 'noise' and where I felt relaxed.

I was driven to create a more peaceful home. Somewhere clear and calm. Somewhere that didn't make me feel as though I couldn't possibly stop for a second, because there was just so much to do. I knew achieving this would fill me with satisfaction and pride and motivation to continue the journey. But in the spirit of keeping it real, what I didn't  expect to feel was ashamed and self-indulgent.

Ashamed because I can't actually understand how I ever fathomed it was ok to buy so many things that weren't needed for practicality or beauty (I will always desire to have things that make me happy just by looking at them). I just genuinely have no idea how so much unnecessary stuff accumulated. I felt appalled by the sheer volume of stuff I had to take to the dump (although I think they're called Refuse and Recycling Centres these days). Room after room, box after box, bag after bag of stuff that was neither useful, or beautiful, or meaningful.

The self-indulgence is simple. The fact that I am even talking about 'decluttering', 'simplifying', and 'living with less' is crazy. Millions of people have nowhere near enough, and I'm writing about how getting rid of stupid amounts of possessions is cleansing and calming. What a first world problem to have, huh. Sobering, really.

Regardless, there is still too much. But I am happy with progress to date. There are a few areas I haven't tackled yet, primarily because they're not mine. What should go and what should stay isn't my call to make.

A week on, the house is still clean. Surfaces are still clear. Things have homes. New habits are forming. I feel like I have space to breathe.

It's good.

Why I crave simplicity

At a time when many are celebrating their career successes with new cars, big homes, the latest technologies, designer threads, expensive dinners out, nannies at home, and luxury holidays abroad, I feel myself being pulled in the opposite direction.

It's at this junction in life - right now when it would be easy to reward hard work with bigger, better, best - that I feel compelled to slow down, calm down, live sensibly and discover that a life with less stuff means more of the things that count.

Money comes and goes. Fourteen hour working days have a limited lifespan, before their frightening toll becomes real. Years pass by in the blink of an eye. I don't want this to play out in the pages of our life. I don't want us to be trapped into a life that is unsustainable and unhealthy.

I don't know precisely what it was that kicked it off, but I do know that spending less, owning less, making conscious decisions, and enjoying more is at least part of the answer.

I have so many ideas, dreams and plans. The decluttering continues. I've successfully pared back some key areas in our home: the kitchen, the bathrooms, the linen cupboard, the boys' toys and books, and my clothes, shoes and accessories.

I've donated a huge amount to charity, mainly via www.givit.org.au - you can search for items that are needed urgently and respond with anything you have that fits the need, or you can list your items and wait for a charity to contact you.

I've found it remarkably easier than I feared. I have barely hesitated over a single item. I have certainly felt cranky at times - at the wasted money particularly - but the harsh truth is that the money is already gone. The best thing we can do is to not repeat the same mistakes again.

Ask me if it's still as easy when I get to the boys' clothes. I get very sentimental over those. They are such reminders of just how much they've grown, of things they've achieved, of adventures they've had.

I predict areas like the garage, under-the-stairs, and the spare room cupboards will be laborious, but I think that's where I'll get the greatest sense of satisfaction. Imagine, we might even be able to get two cars into our double car garage. Who'd have thought!

Once the first full declutter is achieved, new habits will need to be reinforced. Rules will need to be applied, and regular clear-outs will form part of the rhythm of our lives.

I hope that by eliminating unnecessary stuff, the maintenance, cleaning, thinking, shopping, and and time associated with it is eliminated too. I hope extra time means less hurry, less stress, less pressure, and more enjoyment.

I dream of a little veggie patch, despite having the world's blackest thumb.I dream of a gentle and slow rhythm and ritual to our days. I dream of continuing to create days, months and years that build a beautiful childhood for our babes. And I dream of raising children who understand that things and love are not one and the same.

I feel inspired. And that feels good.

Mother's Day

Being a mama is the greatest privilege. I adore my boys. They complete my life.

I've been very blessed in this journey. I've never wished it away. I've never regretted it. I've never felt scared, or lost, or paralysed by fear.

Some days, of course, are harder than others, of course they are. But many, many days are blissful. Millions of moments are pure joy. On the whole, I haven't found motherhood hard, or horrible, or relentless, or thankless.

It's hard to admit this out loud sometimes. I'm always so conscious that everyone's experience is different. Everyone's experience is their own. And many many mothers suffer terribly from PND, anxiety, and lack of support.

There, but for the grace of God, go I.

Every day I am grateful.

Thank you my darling boys for making me a mama.

I love this photo. T caught us mid-just-doing-what-we-do.

This is a snapshot of my life. Of my love. Of my loves.

Christmas traditions and finding my sparkle

The lovely Amanda over at Homely One kickstarted my Christmas spirit this year.

I have been feeling decidedly un-Christmassy. I don't know why really. I think it's easy for Christmas to get all just a bit too much. Too much stuff, too much waste, too much expectation.

But after reading Amanda's post about family traditions, I started thinking about ours and slowly, but surely, that Christmas sparkle started to take hold. I realised that there is a lot to love about taking the time to share special moments and create memories.

These are the things I cherish:

• Putting up the tree, accompanied by champagne and Frank Sinatra
• The obligatory Santa photo
• Taking the boys into the city at night to see the big tree, the Christmas windows and to pick out their 'special' ornament. Each year they get a fancy schmancy one and when they eventually leave home (sniff), they will have a lifetime of beautiful decorations to take with them
• Watching the Carols by Candlelight and singing our lungs out
• Going to visit the Christmas Lights - there are some crazy people out there who do the most ridiculous things to their houses at Christmas time and I'm in the front row. I love seeing how bonkers people get for Christmas; it's sweet really
• Working out what Christmas baking I'm going to do and then enjoying a couple of full baking days with the boys. This year, my SIL and the boys' cousins are going to join in too
• Baking the Christmas ham on Christmas Eve and making an occasion of the first carving
• Finding one new 'what to do with leftover christmas ham' recipe each year to add to the repertoire
• Ham sandwiches! 
• Christmas crafts with the boys. This year, I've planned for them to make Christmas button collages and we're going to attempt a piece of artwork for each set of the grandparentals
• Getting a porcelain photo ornament for each of the boys made

The things I do just for me, really, are:

• Buying all the Christmas magazines and reading them slowly across the whole month
• Putting fairy lights all over the house and garden and flatly refusing to let anyone turn the overhead lights on. Ever. Some have said I'm slightly nuts when it comes to fairy lights.
• Indulging in some late night bubble baths, with bubbles of the champagne variety and my 'Christmas' book

And the things that T and I do together are:

• Wrapping the presents at night by fairy light (stupid idea really - can't see a bloody thing) and Christmas Carols
• Writing the boys a Christmas letter
• Sharing one special gift with each other on Christmas Eve with some bubbly after the boys are all tucked up in bed asleep 

There, I feel better already. Hello Christmas sparkle!

pic from pinterest here

How I got my sleep back

If there’s something I’ve learned in this tumultuous toddler time, it’s that behaviour is learned. That consistency is key. And that bribing (I mean, rewarding good behaviour, of course) is essential.
The twinadoes are adorable, utterly adorable, but often ‘spirited’. We have just come out of a very dark period, the darkest, in fact; months and months and months of endless wake ups and nocturnal visitations throughout the night.

The hubster and I were utterly exhausted. I can’t even describe it. I am sure you must know what I mean. Sleep deprivation is so debilitating.

Just one of the many unwelcome effects of this was that we just didn’t have the energy to change the situation. We knew we should just put our feet down, return the twinadoes to their beds as many times as it took, and do it every.single.time, but the reality was that we were so bloody tired we literally couldn’t get up. We didn’t have the energy. Or the will. In fact, sometimes I would wake up with a twin either side of me and not even know how long they’d been there. Such was the extent of my exhaustion. When I did manage to catch those ten minutes either side of a night-time visitor, I was practically comatose.

I don’t know exactly what it was that changed (I expect it was something to do with realising that I had my witch’s broom on full rotation for about a fortnight and was not being the best version of myself), but one day something snapped and I thought, “Enough is enough. I need to take back my sleep. I need to take back my life. I need to enjoy it again.”

So we did.

And it wasn’t as difficult as I thought it would be.

Now, I’m not saying this is going to work for everyone, but this is what worked for us. And to put it in perspective from the outset, my children are motivated by praise. They love it when they do something ‘right’, or ‘good’. This, my friends, is their currency.

So, to the toy shop we went. I let them pick out two ‘reward presents’ and a packet of stickers each. I made a 14-day reward chart that I stuck to their bedroom door.  I explained  - about a gazillion times – that for each night they stayed in their own beds, they would get a sticker on their chart. And at the end of a week’s worth of stickers, they would get one of their reward presents. I also encouraged them to tell everyone who crossed their path about the plan. Grandparents, kindy teachers, shop assistants, random strangers; no-one was immune. I figured if they said it out loud enough, they might actually start to believe it. Of course I put their presents on display, but out of reach. A little bit mean maybe, but definitely motivating.

I can’t believe how quickly it worked.

One little man got it straight first night in. Honestly. He went to sleep, woke up once, I called out something about a sticker, or a present, or maybe both, and he went straight back to sleep.

The other one did get up a couple of times, but we somehow found it in us to march him straight back each time, reinforcing the sleep –sticker–reward relationship. The next night he woke up, but didn’t get up. The third night, he didn’t wake at all.

That was over two weeks ago, and things are still going well.  I can’t believe the difference it’s made. Who knew how much a good night’s sleep can make the world a much nicer place!

Playing catchup

I've woken up with a spring in my step today, because these little darlings (look at thos two blonde heads!).....

 

 

ARE SLEEPING!!!!!!!!!!! IN THEIR OWN BEDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALL NIGHT LONG!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

Check out that sleep chart. That was yesterday. Today I was very happy to add another sticker to the row. In fact, the past two nights they haven't woken at all! I can't remember the last time I had two nights in a row of unbroken sleep, and I genuinely feel like a new person. Like I can take on the world. Like I can enjoy the day and look forward to the next one. I don't think I realised just how tired I actually was.

 

The boys and I have been having fun. I drew some townhouses on their chalkboard for art time colouring-in. The sun is now purple and the grass is orange. Why not?

 

 Nature 'treasure hunts' are BIG at the moment. The boys are enjoying them immensely. And I love seeing what they come up with. Look at that single blade of grass and that single rosemary leaf. Aren't kids just divine?

 

 

 

This is often how you'll find us when we're on one of these treasure hunts. They really are the best of mates.

 

 



 

In other unrelated news, I have fairy lights in my stairwell. Why not? I'm the only female in the house so I think it is my duty to make things as pretty as possible.

 

And to top things off, one of my very dear friends Marri (she owns the amazing Bolly & Bear) is getting married today! I can't wait. There's nothing better than love is there?

Speaking of love, T and I met 15 years ago. 15 years! That's nearly half my life. Love him so much. Wow, life was so different then. We were both so young - just starting out at uni. Our biggest concerns were where to head out to on a Saturday night (well, that and exams of course). Looking back, I think my biggest concern ought to have been my wardrobe. What was I thinking!!?? Anyhow, I think it's fitting that we're off to celebrate some special love today.

 

 

 

 



Award night sparkles

Katie and I were so honoured to be named finalists in the Ausmumpreneur Awards this year for Multiplied Magazine. We traveled to Sydney for the awards night on Saturday night and although we didn't win, we had such a brilliant and inspiring time; so many amazing women - all working mums running their own businesses - so many brilliant ideas, and so much inspiration!

Plus, we totally got to frock up. See! And there was champagne (although I was too nervous about tripping over my dress to actually more than 1.5 glasses - plus there was that 4.30am start to get back to Brisvegas for the twinadoes' birthday). And a lolly buffet. And lots of laughter. A brilliant night.

[I'm on the left in the silver / grey and Katie is on the right in the cream / gold]

briefly

Earlier in the week, before the rain hit, we had some beautiful Winter days. I love this time of year; it's by far my favourite. I don't mind being chilly because I love rugging up. I know it's somewhat hilarious to think of Brisbane as ever cold, but it has been this year. I've lived in Europe, so I know real cold as well and I still love it, although, our Brisbane version is somewhat more palatable, it's true.

The boys running through the afternoon sunlight, off on adventures. "Bye Bye Mama, we're off to have our adventure now. See you later!", they shouted back at me as they took off as quickly as their little legs could carry them.

This awful fuzzy photo is of Hamish's first 'H'. He took his piece of chalk (blue, of course) and drew with great concentration (tongue out), and announced gleefully afterwards, "Mama! It's a H for Hamish. It's a H for meeeeee". Teared up, of course. Waterworks.

I finished the bedhead, and I adore it. I'm a terrible photographer, so I took a close up of the fabric as the  pic on the right below is totally yellow and doesn't show the detail. The fabric is a really gorgeous linen. 

The boys are growing up so much. We've been walking around our neighbourhood a lot and they seem to all of a sudden really 'get it'. They understand to check driveways for cars, and stop at the corners, and not go near the road without holding my hand. It's enjoyable exploring with them, instead of terrifying, and a privilege to see the world through their eyes. I can't really remember the last time I used the pram. Bliss.

I painted the chair! I LOVE it. It's such a gorgeous colour (which you can't see because there's that whole terrible photographer thing...). I just need to select cushion fabrics now. I'm thinking a busy navy/white botanical print for the seat cushion and something a bit wacky like a geometric pattern in yellow or coral for a scatter cushion.

Spent some time with my sisters. Pretty, aren't we. Genetically blessed, I tell you.

 And, oh, the mundane, my floors. Look at that. Disgusting. I can't believe my grouting was that filthy. Nothing a bit of bleach, some bicarb and a bit of elbow grease couldn't fix. So gross. I really had no idea it had become so bad until I saw one of those pins on pinterest about cleaning grout. I'm a  bit pinterest obsessed actually. I saw one of those ecards yesterday with words along the lines of, "Don't worry darling, it was on pinterest, so it must be true". That's me.

And in more of the mundane, it's been raining a lot here lately, so my washing pile is taller than me. I don't like using the dryer, but I may have to give in.

ummm, talk much?

Ummmmm, yes. Poor T can't get a word in. This is me doing 'our' tenth wedding anniversary speech. I have no idea what I was saying that was so obviously hilarious. Clearly, I thought I was the funniest woman alive though.

People always tell me I'm a very 'animated' talker. Indeed. Indeed. Oh dear.

Me. A mum.

I'm a mum. I'm their mum. They depend on me. I'm a teacher, a guide, a mentor, a feeder, a protector, a keeper, a soul-carrier, a heart-wearer, a carer, a disciplinarian, a story-teller, a playmate, a book-reader, an example, a role-model, a citizen-grower, an influencer. They need me, and I need them.

Being a mum is the most brilliant thing in my life. It's also the hardest. Every.single.moment.and.decision. is laced with doubt, guilt, conscience, question, and of course love. There's always love. Big giant suffocating love that brings tears to my eyes just thinking of it.

But I want to be a better mum. A more patient one, and a less distracted one. Definitely a less shouty one. I wish for the time, the freedom and the... privilege?... to take it slowly, to move at their pace, take their lead, look at the world through their eyes, rather than constantly needing to hurry up, tidy up, shoosh for a minute, stop fighting, get-a-move-on, and whatever-else-on.

I feel like I'm torn between the real-life urgency to earn money, keep my foot on the career ladder, and contribute my share and the real-life yearning to just be their mum - now - while they're so little and they need me so much. They are utterly dependent. The physical dependency is tiring, but not as exhausting as the sheer emotional pressure of having someone's life in your hands. And I don't want to break it. It's so precious.

I know we have to work. We have to earn money. We have to pay for this house, this life, this stuff. I'm not ready yet to think about whether we need it all (I'm quite sure we don't), because that might mean something I have only ever romantically entertained on mini-break weekends in front of roaring fires, balloon of red wine in hand (pre-kids, of course, when living in the country sounded divine if you could pop up to the city whenever you needed to). But I also firmly believe that if one of us can be at home with our boys, then we should. We ought. It's our job. It is better for one parent to be here often, than neither. I'm constantly amazed at how we do things in our own home to ourselves and to our children (our children!), that we would never dare to do to our employers. Isn't that back-to-front?

I'm not one of those mums who knows I'm a better mum if I'm working. I'm not. I'm a better mum when I'm immersed with them. That's not to say I don't enjoy working, because I do - if the work is interesting and challenging. I like to be busy, and I like to achieve results. I like remembering that I can chat about things other than child development and eating habits. But I don't think I do both well enough when they're competing for my time. I don't think I'm a good mama when I'm trying to juggle work, which never falls on the days it's supposed to, meaning I'm constantly trying to distract them so I can work. I don't think do a good enough job for my clients because I'm only ever partly on the job.

I frequently feel annoyed about this. Angry that I can't do it all. Frustrated because I'm so tired of the juggling and I can't explain it properly to anyone else - it just sounds so trivial when I try. Annoyed because our weekends are exhausting and tag-teaming and T and I don't have much quality time together. Cross because the house is always chaotic and we're always running out of milk! Exhausted because I haven't had a decent night's sleep in three years and wondering if I ever will again. Peed off because I don't get out much, that I don't see my friends enough, that I've become dull and boring and WHAT ABOUT ME? WHERE DID I GO IN ALL THIS?

But when it comes down to it, right now, I am a mum. I am their mum. It's my job. It's my heart. And for now, that's what I need to be.

Universe, are you listening?

2012 is the year ...

...to get a few things done!

2011 was busy. Really really busy.Work busy. immie&ollie kept growing, my PR consulting continued, and I launched a brand new national magazine with a friend and now business partner.

In 2012, I want to get some things done for our home that I've been wanting to do for some time:

1. Bedhead! We're getting one. It will be upholstered and beautiful. I'm pinning like crazy to my pinterest board.
2. Bedroom walls. They will be painted. A cloudy / dusky / grey-ish blue. I might even stencil a pattern on the wall behind our bedhead. Lattice? Chevron? Not sure exactly what just yet, but it will be subtle.
3. Dining room. The walls will be overhauled. I can't decide between wallpaper and paint, but we're getting some drama in there.
4. Enrolling the boys in school. I cannot believe we haven't done this. They are nearly 2.5 and we haven't put their names down on a single list. We haven't been able to resolve where we'd like to send them, and because there are two of them, it's quite an expensive endeavour to put their names down at lots of schools. Some charge $450 (that's $900 right there. For ONE school waiting list. Bam! Just like that.) But at this rate we'll be home-schooling them, so we'd better sort it out.
5. The five year plan. I've probably spent the past 5 years coming up with all sorts of dreams for the future. If I'd nailed them down and started working towards them, I'd be well on my way to something now. So, a five year plan will be the start. 

5 projects will do. That's plenty for the year. If I can achieve these things, alongside keeping everyday life ticking over, I will be a happy woman.

My daily happiness project is awesome too. So far, I've enjoyed brewing a pot of tea and drinking it slowly by a window in the rain, hung fairy lights everywhere, worn a full length tutu, had a long luxurious bath with a glass of champagne, had a pedicure, snuggled my babies for way longer than they wanted to be snuggled - similarly, husband, and lots of other tiny little things that I normally wouldn't pay much attention to.

Ten years on and so so grateful for my beautiful life

Today is exactly 10 years to the date that I underwent a mammoth 17 hour operation to remove a mass on my brainstem that I could have died from.

In fact, exactly 10 years ago, I would have been still in the operating theatre with so many surgeons they must have been getting in each other's way :)

I have no idea how my family and T coped while I was under. What on earth must they have been thinking and doing for 17 hours, awhile waiting on razor's edge to hear if I'd made it, or if I'd be paralysed.

I'd been lying in the hospital bed for so long already, just waiting for the surgical team to figure out how to do what needed to be done. I had a complex cervical spine, and they had to have it modelled into perfectly scaled 3D to work out just how exactly to go about the surgery. I was scared, and the night before the operation, I tried to change the surgeon's mind. I did my best persuasive job, explaining that I was absolutely convinced I could go back to my normal life, just being hyper-careful to not move my head too much. "Do I really have to have this operation? What will happen if I don't?", I asked him. "You might die." I don't think I'll ever forget that.

I also tried to tell my darling T that this was just all too much for any young relationship to bear, and I couldn't be a burden on him. I told him that I loved him, but I couldn't stay with him if I ended up paralysed because I couldn't steal his life and his love and his potential like that. I knew that our life wouldn't ever fulfil any of the dreams we'd had and we wouldn't be able to have the adventures we'd planned. I wouldn't be able to have any children. I was in tears telling him that I needed to go into theatre knowing that it was all settled and agreed. He wouldn't have a bar of it. I'll always remember he told me that he had no expectations about his future other than having me in it, and we would make our own way and our own life with what life threw at us.

I survived that surgery, had a very long hospital stay, and a lot of 'attachments' for a long time. I developed infections that needed IV antibiotics through a PICC line for just under 6 months. This is me about a month after the surgery, still in hospital and doing a happy dance because I was able to stand up on my own:



This is me 6 months to the day later - my wedding day. I was determined to walk down the aisle that day. And I did.



10 years. A decade. A lifetime. I'm a lucky lucky girl, and I have so much to be grateful for. Here are just three of them:

Getting to know me..!

The lovely Sarah from One Perfect Day has 'tagged' me - my first ever. And what a lovely way to begin.

Sarah's blog is delightful. I love reading it, and I love the way she captures such precious beautiful moments with her little boy. She's unbelievably creative - always doing amazing things with her little man that I wouldn't dream of in a million years. But the most beautiful thing about it is that she is happy. Truly happy. And it's wonderful.

So, here are my answers. Enjoy

What is your favourite time of the day?
I love the late afternoon into early evening. That soft sun warming my face, slowing me down, forcing me to just sit. I especially love it in Spring and Summer. From my back verandah I can feel the happiness that seems to always be around at that time of day. Kids are laughing, mums are calling them in for dinner, glasses clinking, laughter tinkling, and the smell of bbqs and jasmine in the air. Love it. If I could bottle it I would. Guaranteed to bring a smile to my face.

Where and when did you meet the love of your life?
T and I met in 1997 (can that be right??). We were so young. We met at the races - a young member's day I think - and found out afterwards that we knew lots of each other's friends. It was quite astonishing that we hadn't crossed paths earlier. Just mustn't have been our time until then I guess.

We've been together now for 13 years, and married for nearly 9. We're one of those lucky couples that has grown together as we've grown older, rather than apart, and we know how rare that is.

We're best friends.

What three words would your friends outside of the blogging world use to describe you?
This is a funny one because I was just having this conversation with some girlfriends the other night. We were at the Valentino exhibition, and some bubbles had been consumed, so I'm not sure how truthful this is, but they said intelligent, bubbly and kind.

What country would you like to visit and why?
I'm lucky that I've travelled a lot. But I've never been to Asia. I don't know why. I think it's because it always felt so close to home that we figured we do it "later". Still waiting!! I really want to see Vietnam.

We've also been talking about where we can travel easily with the boys and have a Japan ski trip, a trip to Canada, and a driving holiday through Germany all competing for next year's holiday.

What is your favourite dish to cook?
I love cooking. Not as much as I used to, but I think that's more about time available and exhaustion levels. But when I do it, I always remember why I love it.

I love cooking two things over and above everything else. Risotto with grilled mushrooms, and a traditional roast chicken with the scrummiest roast potatoes in the world (how's that for confidence :) )

Salt or sugar?
I have low blood sugar and low blood pressure, which is apparently why my body craves salt. When it's really low I am sometimes compelled to pour a little bit of salt into my palm and lick it straight off. Isn't that revolting?

But I love sweet tea. I always try to cut back the sugar I have (2) but I never manage it. Ever.

What are your must have make up or beauty items?
Mascara. Lashings of it. I'm a bit of a tart too - I don't have any product loyalty. I'm constantly searching for the holy grail of mascaras. At the moment I am LOVING Estee Lauder Double Wear. It's so fabulous that I may actually buy it again.

And blush. I love red rosy cheeks.I'm currently using MAC Cubic - a powder blush, but will change to a stain soon I think.

What are your favourite flowers?
I have three favourite flowers. Gerberas because they are so vibrant. They look like they're smiling. I can't walk past them without grinning back. I had them for my wedding because I couldn't think of anything else that would make me smile as much.

Tulips. The first flower I fell in love with when I was a little girl. I thought I'd never seen anything so beautiful. And there is still something about a field of tulips that takes my breath away.

And, peonies. Divine. So so so pretty. Romantic. And so hard to get!!!

What are your worst vices...honestly?
I have a tiny penchant for the dramatic.. Not in a 'throw myself on the ground and scream and yell' kind of way, but quite strange things seem to happen to me a bit more than is probably normal. And I don't mind a *little bit* of artistic license in story-telling :)

At what time of your life were you happiest and why?
The moment I saw my babies for the very first time. I can't describe it well enough to do it justice. But I loved them so much, so intensely, and so instantly that for a second I couldn't breathe. I've never been so happy, so proud, so relieved, and so in love.

So now, a couple of other girls who I'd love to know a bit more about:

Jacki at More than a Mummy
Amanda at Homely One
Kylie at The Rockgarden
Shan at Missy Melly

I'd love to hear your answers if you have time or the inclination for this bit of fun

Thanks so much Sarah. This has been fun. That raspberry cake sounds delicious.
xx

Wednesday weirdness #1

I was just hanging my washing out, something that is a source of great hilarity to my family and friends.

I have this thing about pegs. They have to match. I can't hang something out with two different pegs. Physically cannot do it.

Sometimes T hangs things out with un-matching pegs just to see my reaction.

And react, I do.

freakoutalittleandcan'tstopmyselffromfixingit.

Yes, I have been known to unpeg and rehang an entire line of washing because of mis-matched pegs. Something that, you know, is an efficient use of all those spare hours I have in my day at the moment.

I have tried to address this issue by buying pegs that are identical. Same size, same colour. Do you know how hard it is to buy packs of single colour pegs (well aside from the wooden ones that just don't last the distance)? Impossible.

There's an idea!

It's the small things

Someone asked me the other day what it was about our house that made me want to buy it.

I know I should have said things about land size and aspect and rooflines and proximity to things.

But can I tell you a secret? There were two main things:

It's in a street called Princess.

And there is a specially built room for clothes and shoes. A shoe room! I've always wanted one of those :)

The 15 of us

My twin mums group is awesome. We didn't get together at ante-natal classes, we didn't meet at the child health clinic, and we didn't find each other through the multiple births association. I think what makes it so fabulous is that - bizarrely - we all knew each other before our twins were born.

We have five amazing (well I think so) women and ten delightfully gorgeous babies. All of us share a special bond - having experienced the challenges of a twin pregnancy, premature deliveries, time in intensive and special care and the joy of bringing two beautiful babies into the world.

We started meeting when our babies were little. Six of our babies were born within two weeks of each other, and the other four little ones followed closely about eight weeks later (those within a week of each other).

While we were all pregnant we stayed in constant touch, following each other's journeys closely - sharing the joys, the pains, the scares, and the hospital stays both pre and post twin arrivals.

We meet every fortnight, which seems like a lot, but we enjoy it so much - and we need it too. Until recently we would meet at each other's houses, but now that quite a few are on the move, we've had to move to a park. Going out in public with 10 babies, 5 double prams, and all the associated guff (toys, playmats, bumbos, walkers, etc) is an hilarious sight. People really do stare.

It's also incredibly busy. In the whole time we've been meeting, we have only managed to get one photo with all 15 of us - and we had to get a photographer in to get it for us. We did it for ourselves for Mother's Day, and I think it's something we'll repeat every year.

We speak and email daily to give each other advice, moral support and a pick me up. It is very hard to understand just how overwhelming having twins can be and it is comforting to have the support of people who know what you are going through.

Our babies are still little (the oldest twins are 10.5 months) so they're really just starting to play together and become aware of each other. But what is so special is that they are always going to know each other and hopefully these little twinnies will be friends for a very long time.

We always joke that when they start school (they will all be in the same year) they'll be looking at the 'singleton' kids thinking they're the odd ones for not being twins.

So, to my twin mummy friends - love you ladies. Thanks for everything xxx

9 years

radical excision of tumour
17 hour surgery
mandibular split
tracheostomy
halo
pic line
re-learning to swallow and eat
re-learning to walk

9 years ago today I had the mother of all surgeries to remove a mass that had dangerously compressed my spinal cord at the brain stem level. I could very easily have died.

Who'd have thought that my life would be so beautiful now?

But it is.

xxx

sweating on it

When I was 16 years old, I found out that I was lucky to be alive.

One day, while my orthodontist was examining an x-ray of my teeth, she discovered that I didn't have an odontoid peg. Sounds a bit star-treky doesn't it? In very crude terms, the peg is that thing that your head sits on and rotates around - kind of like the pivot, I suppose. Without it,the whoel thing is very unstable, and can sever the spinal cord, which at that level would more than likely result in death.

Apparently, she called my mum immediately to tell her what she had discovered and urged mum to keep me very still and call the doctor. Mum phoned our GP, who just simply didn't believe it. He said mum must have mis-heard. He said it wasn't possible for someone with no odontoid peg to make it to 16 years of age. So the orthodontist sent the x-rays over to the GP, who immediately called an ambulance for me. From that minute, I wasn't allowed to move my neck at all. I was in a full body brace.

I had a big operation and the surgeons 'built' me a peg out of grafted bone and wire. All fixed.

But then, when I was 22 a tumour formed in the same place on my brain stem. But because of the previous surgery and resultant limitations (movement, headaches etc) I didn't notice anything wrong for a very long time. I thought all the headaches were normal. It wasn't until I woke up one day unable to move the entire right side of my body that I realised something was up.

My spinal cord was compromised. In fact, it was bent into almost an s bend.

Again, I found out I was lucky to be alive.

A 17 hour operation later (involving separating my lower face in half through my mouth, down my throat and up to behind my right ear, and then also through the back of my neck), having a tracheostomy (I've never been so quiet - I had to write on an etcha-sketch!!), wearing a 'halo' for many many many months, and a good strong dose of golden staph needing intravenous antibiotics for 6 months - I was fixed.

And so far so good.

But I am sweating on a call from the orthopaedic surgeon. My condition was congenital, but is it hereditary? Will my boys have it?

Now I understand how my parents must have felt when they learned about my condition.

My fingers are crossed that in my case it was some bizarre DNA muck-up in utero and not a hereditary disorder.

I was supposed to hear back today, but despite phoning again, I've still heard nothing.

I'm hoping no news is good news :) And I'm going to enjoy the looong weekend.

Tomorrow is a big day

Tomorrow is a massive day for me.

I didn't mention anything last week because I was so busy sewing, but I also pitched to a QLD based NGO to be their new marketing/PR agency. I found out a couple of days ago that I won the job!

So, I am officially a back-to-work-mama from tomorrow. Tomorrow is our first proper meeting since winning the business, so I have to follow up the initial impression with some hard-core action. I need to convince them entirely that they made the right decision in trusting me with their brand, with their stakeholder communications, and with their strategic planning.

I also have a meeting with a boutique baby store first up - I'm taking my pram/carseat liners, blankets and spill cloths in to guage their interest in becoming a stockist!!

I also had a financial offer today - someone wants to heavily invest in immie&ollie. It's a huge decision. I'm not entirely comfortable or sure about it - I feel like it's too early to take that sort of step just yet. After all, I've only just dipped a toe in the water.

I'm not sure which I'm most nervous about to be honest.

There's a change in the air. I'm open to the possibilities. And I'm excited about the future. But I'm quietly shite-ing myself too..;)

xx