What a whirlwind

Where have the past three weeks gone??

I can't believe my little darlings are three weeks old already. I can't believe the fierce intensity of my love for them. I can't believe how much I would do for them, how far I would go for them. They are the centre of my universe.

The past three weeks have been such a whirlwind that I can barely keep my head straight. Hamish had respiratory distress syndrome, so had to have some help with breathing in his first few days so was in a higher level of intensive care than Lachie. Having them separated for their first five days really tore at my heart.

Then they both developed jaundice and got to have a little bake under the phototherapy lights. Hamish only needed a night, but poor little Lachie was under for four days. And he hated almost every minute of it. He kept pulling his little sunglasses off, causing me to worry that his little tiny eyes would be damaged.

Then Lachie developed a digestive problem and for a few days had horrible bile and blood in his stomach. He didn't seem too concerned by it though, but apparently the phototherapy lights make little ones very lethargic, so it was probably lucky he was under those at the same time or we might have had a distressed little one on our hands.

Once those problems cleared up, the boys really started going fantastically well. They have put on loads of weight, with Lachie now weighing 1.94kg and Hamish at 2.16kg!! All we're waiting on now is the feeding. They're still a bit too small to suck feed at every third hourly feed time. They can generally do two feeds, but run out of puff for the next one. So until they build up enough stamina to be able to eat enough regularly enough, they'll remain in the nicu.

I miss them so much when I'm not at the hospital with them. It's heartbreaking to leave each night, but it is slowly getting easier. Getting used to the new sleeping schedule is difficult too. Because the boys are in hospital, I have to express my breast milk. Every two hours. Day and night. Except for one four hour break overnight. I know all mums are sleep deprived, so I'm not complaining. In fact, I like being able to provide something so important for them, but it is taking some getting used to.

So that's a quick summary. They are gorgeous little men. I love them so much. We hope to have them home soon.