Help?

Today, I tackled the supermarket with the boys. I didn't really give it a second thought - I've taken them plenty of times before and they just do their thing; it's never any trouble.

But today I couldn't get the 'parents with prams park' so I had to park a good walk away from the entrance.

I didn't have the pram in the car because I was planning to use a trolley. Who can push a trolley and a double buggy up and down supermarket aisles? Not me.

So there I was, a good few hundred metres from the entrance, with two 15 month olds who I can't let walk on their own safely near cars!

I had to get them out of their carseats, but what would I do with the one who was out while I got the second baby out of his seat? I couldn't just pop him on the ground and tell him to stay - the carpark is like a busy road.

So I had to hold Hamish on one hip, while I took Lach out of his seat. I bumped one's head and nearly dropped the other, but we got there.

Then I had to balance two babies on my hips, which, I have always moaned about, and never more so since having babies, DON'T EXIST! The only way I can get a baby balanced on a hip is to jut it out. Ever tried jutting both hips out? Not possible.

So precariously balanced, with two babies, both around 10kg, both hanging down to my knees (I'm not a tall girl, let's put it that way), I had to race across the road and down to the supermarket.

Lots of people gave me sympathetic smiles. Someone told me I deserved a medal. Someone else said "It's not easy is it love?".

But, not one person offered to help me.

I don't know if I would have accepted - you know, in order to keep your balance you must keep moving - so this is probably a moot point in the end, but I was frankly rather astonished.

I was obviously struggling just getting there. Then I had to somehow use a hand (that should have been balancing a baby) to pull out all the trolleys to get to the one trolley that has two seats in it, and still, not one person offered to help.

Plenty watched on in morbid fascination though. Will she make it? Will she drop them? Is this going to end in catastrophe?

What is that all about? Perhaps they were waiting for me to ask?

The twins v Santa

Poor guy - I don't think he knew what hit him.

today

I am day dreaming about pretty frothy frocks
I am baby-free, and working. I miss them.
I am editing web copy while drinking endless cups of english breakfast tea, from a teapot, made with leaves
I can still smell Hame's warm little morning snuggles
I have made a mercy dash to our poor pool, which had turned an alarming shade of green overnight
I am smiling at Lach's newest word: crazy. He says it all the time, and it's so cute.
I picked some gardenias from my garden, and they have made my house smell so pretty
A good friend called and we had a lovely chat
I told my special peeps that I love them
The sun is shining!

15 months

Rockstar, you are busy. So so busy. All the time.

You don't walk - you run. You don't just talk, you chatterbox. You don't do things quietly; you make as much noise as you can. Sometimes you just shout - as loud as you can - for absolutely no reason other than that it maks you laugh, it makes Hame laugh, and it makes Mama and Daddy laugh.

Your latest version of fun is picking up everything that is pick-up-able, and throwing it over the baby gate and down the stairs, with as much force and racket as you can muster. You also throw things down behind the television and under the sofa, and remove everything in your reach from its rightful home, and onto the floor. You are a one-baby chaos machine!

But you are delightful. So cheeky. So funny. So clever. And so cuddly. One of my favourite things is when you see me coming and you race as fast as your little legs will carry you over to me. You throw yourself around my legs and grip on as though you never want to let go.

You are going through a very clingy phase and are sometimes utterly inconsolable unless I'm giving you a cuddle. You cry with such heart-breaking tears that it's all I can do to stop my own tears falling.

But mostly you are cheeky, crazy, giggly, and mischievous.

I love you my little Rocky.

All the love in the universe,
Your mama


Hello Hamish, darling boy

Happy 15 month birthday my angel. I know I say it every month, but you are a darling. You just are. You still are. I'm sure you always will be.

You are kind, and gentle, and sweet.
You sing the softest, sweetest songs, and it melts my heart.
You smile and laugh at complete strangers everywhere we go. They fall in love with you, and I don't blame them.

You LOVE other children. You try to launch yourself out of your pram to play with other kids. You point and laugh and laugh until they see you, and then they can't help themselves either - you're irresistible even to them. They come over, hold your hands, kiss your cheeks, and say "look at the beautiful little baby mummy" to their own mamas. You are enchanting.

All four of your molars have come through at exactly the same time this month and you haven't made a peep. Not a sound. You are so brave. Even when your little gums have been bleeding, you still keep on smiling.

Lately, you love your teddy bears. You often pick all of them up and once and just snuggle right into them with the biggest, happiest grin on your face. See? Darling. No question.

As ever, all the love in the universe
Your Mama

so, this is what I'm thinking.....

I don't think there are enough opportunities in life to wear a tutu, so why not!!

And yes, I know, it's all over a year away, and there is more to a party than a frock....!?

I'm planning something..!!

It's an indulgence. And it's more than a year away. But I love nothing more than the anticipation of waiting for something special.

In just over 12 months it will be our 10 year wedding anniversary.

10 years!

So I'm planning a party - a big bash - and I can't wait to get engrossed in all the details.

I found this pic today, and although it's stark and empty, I love the feeling it evokes, and the promise it holds! The wide open sky, those gorgeous paper lanterns and the simplicity. Stunning.

Hello Thursday

How did you get here so quickly?




Image: weheartit

Lucky

Some days, for some reason I can't explain, I realise how lucky I am, and how lucky my little family is.

We're lucky that we found love, and that we love deeply.

We're lucky that we have our health.

We're lucky that we have close family and friends we can count on, and who can count on us.

We're lucky that we have a beautiful forever house already.

We're lucky that the cards have been in our favour, when for so many others they're not.

We're lucky to have been fortunate enough to have two beautiful babies.

You'd never know by looking at me just how truly lucky I am to be alive.

You'd never know by looking at my babies just how tiny they were, and how all their risk factors for things like cerebral palsy were so much higher than average.

I sometimes fall into the trap of thinking about all the things I don't have. So every now and then I just make sure I acknowledge all that we do. I don't ever want to take any of it for granted.

14 months

My mini men are 14 months old. They're walking, talking, and enjoying each other's company. There are lots of cuddles in our house. Seeing them give each other a hug and a 'pat' is seriously one of the most adorable things I have ever seen. It makes my heart melt.

They are ON THE GO. Always moving. Always getting into things. Always in different places getting into mischief at the same time. The other day Hamish got himself wedged under the sofa, and in the time it took me to get him out, Lach had worked out how to unlock the tv cabinet doors, and had started playing with the glass tea light holders!

Later that afternoon, Hamish climbed into the cupboard with all the ceramic dishes while Lach emptied the flour all over the floor at the opposite end of the kitchen.

The house has never been messier, I have never been more exhausted and challenged, but it is so lovely seeing them explore their world. You can't get cross - they're just trying to understand what is around them, and it's amazing to watch them learn so rapidly.




Mr Mishy

You are an angelic child. Always full of smiles and quick to laugh, you're an absolute delight. You're cheeky too though, and a prankster. You're always getting yourself into strange places, making funny sounds, and pulling funny faces just to make people laugh. You're definitely our entertainer.

You took your first steps just a few days ago, and this morning, before Daddy left for work, you did a big walk. You were beside yourself with excitement. The look on your face was so precious, I wish I could have bottled it.

You're getting bigger and bigger too. We have been seeing the dietician about your weight, and after a couple of months of adding cream, butter, cheese, oil and avocado to everything, we were given some high calorie supplements to add to your food. It worked! You have hit 9kg and that means you get to have your operation sooner, which is better for you in the long-run.

You still almost never cry. You don't make fuss about going to bed. You wake up smiling and the sound of you singing from your cot in the morning is the most beautiful thing I have ever heard.

I adore you you darling, beautiful, wonderful, kind, funny, boy.

All the love in the universe
Your mama




Hey Rockstar

You are clever. Really really clever. You pick up words a mile a minute. You chatter and babble all day long. You can say Mama, Daddy, Nana, Maaa, Pa, Mish, Ta, Cheese, Ball, Balloon, Car, Car Key, Star, Princess (nana's dog's name), blue, dog, quack, and bath.

You're always watching - really watching - trying to figure things out. You work out all your toys within about 3 minutes of using them, so we're constantly finding new things for you play with.

You love music. In fact, you totally rock out. You're really into the Stone Roses at the moment. You know the songs, and when the choruses come on you actually headbang. You have music in you. Even when there isn't any music playing, you sit there rocking away.

You're up and walking too. You're very confident on your feet and the day that you started you instantly changed from a baby into a little boy.

You've been going through a bit of a biting phase, which has left your poor mama rather battered and bruised, but we've realised that you think it's a kiss! This makes it ok. So we're learning how to do proper kisses and you haven't chomped into me in a couple of days now :)

You're still so little, but you more than make up for it in personality! I love you more than I can explain, you clever, funny, darling little scalliwag.

As ever, all the love in the universe

Your mama

The trouble with two

in the amount of time it takes to rescue one twin from behind and under the sofa where he has managed to wedge himself, the other twin figures out how to take the cabinet door locks off, opens them, and shatters a few glass votives over the tiles.

The trouble with teeth

Hamish is getting his top molars. The poor kid is drooling everywhere, his cheeks are bright red, his gums looks horribly inflamed, and where they're pushing through his gums they look almost ulcerated.

But you know what? Not a peep from him. Not one. He is amazing.

Lach on the other hand is going through a biting phase. My arms and shoulders are covered in bruises. One is so big I can't believe his little mouth was responsible. I look as though I've been grabbed and pulled in a boxing ring. This morning he bit Hamish on the face, and the little man screamed the house down. Considering I can count on one hand the number of times I've heard Hamish even cry, this is a big deal.

How do you stop the biting? I've read everything I can get my hands on. It makes sense to me that it's simply cause and effect. As interesting as watching a piece of food fall from his hand to the floor. He doesn't understand emotions and pain. He's not doing it maliciously. He can't verbalise, so maybe it's frustration?

I've tried giving him things to bite, I've tried deflecting the bites, I've looked him in the eye and said 'no' firmly. I've lavished attention on the bitee, hoping he will realise it's not the way to get my attention. I've pulled a sad face and said "you've hurt mama". I've tried an over-dramatic crying reaction (he laughed - I imagine it must have looked fairly ridiculous). I've tried ignoring it.

I will not bite him back.

He doesn't bite T. Why?

Perhaps a coat of armour until then!

Off to the daily grind

immie&ollie's newest "Mini Men T Shirts". Aren't they cute!!

Is imitation the greatest form of flattery?

I'm not so sure.

Last weekend at one of our markets I spied another stall holder selling something that looked very similar to my universal liner.

I felt like my little bubble had burst. I have kind of always thought I was on borrowed time. I couldn't believe that no-one else was making and selling them, and wondered how long it would take.

I have no issue with competition. It's how the world works. Monopolies are a bad thing, in an economic sense.

But this was different.

I truly wouldn't have minded if her liners were different to mine. Or the same price. Or if I hadn't previously sold her one. Or she wasn't a follower of my Facebook page.

But they were identical. They were $5 cheaper than mine. They were in almost exactly the same fabrics. She is a follower of my facebook page. And I am almost positive I have sold one to her previously.

In some ways, I can uderstand her logic. She has probably been to loads of markets and realised that no-one else, aside from immie&ollie, is making and selling pram / carseat liners. Hey hey, opportunity! And at markets it sometimes seems that every other stall holder is selling variations of the same item. I can truly understand that.

It's not like I invented the pram liner either. You can buy them. They're out there.

The thing is though, that my liners aren't like the reversible bucket hats, or pillowcase dresses, or boys' shorts for which patterns are available publicly and commercially. Even when they are mamas work so so hard to find unique fabric combinations, embellishments and stylistic features that make them uniquely their own.

But my pattern is mine. As in I drew it. I designed it. In fact, I have spent most of this year drawing it, trying it, refining it, and getting it perfect. It's not available at a fabric store, or online.

But more than that, it's not in the spirit of supporting other work-at-home parents.

Some of my lovely customers raced over to warn me about "the copycat pram liner lady" - this isn't fair to her really. And I am sure some of her customers said the same thing to her about me. See, no-one is a winner.

I'm still trying to decide whether I should contact her about it, or whether there is nothing I can do so best to just leave it alone.

I certainly don't want to create bad feeling. I love the markets - i love meeting new friends and being inspired by so many other clever mamas. I don't want to spoil that.

Ah, decisions....

We have a walker!

Lach just walked across the room!!

He was so excited about it he stopped half way to give himself a big round of applause.

You should have seen the grin on his face. I will try to get some video.

Oh, my little man! I have tears streaming down my face.

Details details

A few friends have been asking me for more details about Hamish & Lachlan's first birthday party, so I thought I should oblige.

The theme

The first thing I did was choose the theme. I chose a kite party for a few reasons - partly because my babies have never suited traditional 'baby' things - they have way too much personality and zest!

I also didn't want a licensed character party. I am sure I'll have to sit through enough of those when they get old enough to fall in love with Thomas or whatever. Kites are old-fashioned kid fun. And while the boys were too young to fly them, I liked the concept of the freedom of looking upwards, dreaming big, and flying free.

The other obvious benefit was that the toddlers and children could fly kites in the park, entertaining them for hours on end without having to have a whole host of party games up my sleeve.

The colours



I chose the colour palette next. I think I always knew I was going to have red and sky blue. Red and blue is a traditional combination for boys, but the sky blue just gives it a bit more pop, and made it look like Spring.

The location



T and I scouted parks for weeks. We drove all over the city trying to find a park that had enough tables, enough shade, a playground near to the party headquarters, toilets, and enough room for kite-flying. We looked at so many before we remembered about the park underneath the bridge. I don't know why we didn't think of it immediately - we have been there often enough! But as soon as we arrived for the reccy we knew we'd found the place. It was perfect.

The only concern was that the pavilions couldn't be reserved, so we knew we'd have to get there early to make sure we got them. In the morning when we arrived, a marquee wedding was setting up on the other side of the park, and they were in the loo block cleaning, changing the paper over for much nicer stuff, adding hand-towels, hand soap, and flowers!!!

The invitations



I wanted a kite shaped invitation, and I wanted it double-sided, but I didn't want to pay lots extra for cutting, trimming and for special sized envelopes. I knew it was a bit beyond me to do it myself, so I set about finding a designer. Jennifer Birkhead was recommended to me by a friend, and she was amazing. She got it right first time. No changes. She's a star. I've recommended her to a couple of other friends recently too, and again, she has got it right for them first time too.

We had another stroke of luck. When Jen sent them to print, the printer accidentally printed the back upside down, making them un-useable. So another run was done to fix it, but Jen sent me the incorrect ones anyhow, with the fantastic idea that I could use them for party decorations.

The decorations



15m of bunting made from the 'wrong' invitations, using old-fashioned twine and some gorgeous Michael Miller bias binding in the perfect red and blue tied in between for a nostalgic look.

Tissue paper pompoms over the pressie table (thanks Martha)

And some red and blue balloons.

All very simple :)

The cakes



I knew I wanted the boys to have a cake each. I have twin sisters, and one of the first things they said to me when I told them I was pregnant with twins was they must have their own birthday cakes and their own 'happy birthday' singing session.

As detailed in a previous post, I am NOT a skilled cake decorator. But the thought of paying $100 for two small cakes that weren't even going to be eaten (whoops, I was wrong about that, actually...!!) made me feel a little sick to the stomach. So I determined to do them myself.

They weren't perfect, but they were delicious!!!

I also bought a cake knife that we will be able to use every year for birthdays and special occasions.

We also had cupcakes made by my mum's beautiful friend Margie, from Dellicious Cupcakes. They were so beautiful - almost too beautiful to eat :)

The food



I wanted to keep it really simple because we were having to transport everything to the park. It was close to home, but we still had to load it and unload it all.

For the 'party table' we had cupcakes, jellies, vanilla bean sugar cookies, lollies, home-made marshmallows, little cases of popcorn, and fruit skewers.

We also had loads of lovely finger sandwiches and mini quiches for passing around. We also had fresh orange juice, champagne, and lots of little cute bottles of water.

We finished off with some slices of yummy cold watermelon.




The party favours

Instead of putting together a traditional lolly bag, I decided to give the kids something that they could keep and enjoy. We had "Kites for Kids" and "Bubbles for Bubs". Big hit :)





The photography





My friend, and fellow twin-mum, Katie Walker-Smith is a wonderful photographer. I asked her to come along to make sure we got beautiful pictures to remember the day. We think it was well worth it. She captured it beautifully. And we now have such beautiful candid joyful shots of us with our babies that we wouldn't have had otherwise. Thanks Katie xxx





I think that's it....? The weather was glorious, there was enough wind for kite-flying, and all the special people in our boys' lives came along. It was a perfect day.

Getting to know me..!

The lovely Sarah from One Perfect Day has 'tagged' me - my first ever. And what a lovely way to begin.

Sarah's blog is delightful. I love reading it, and I love the way she captures such precious beautiful moments with her little boy. She's unbelievably creative - always doing amazing things with her little man that I wouldn't dream of in a million years. But the most beautiful thing about it is that she is happy. Truly happy. And it's wonderful.

So, here are my answers. Enjoy

What is your favourite time of the day?
I love the late afternoon into early evening. That soft sun warming my face, slowing me down, forcing me to just sit. I especially love it in Spring and Summer. From my back verandah I can feel the happiness that seems to always be around at that time of day. Kids are laughing, mums are calling them in for dinner, glasses clinking, laughter tinkling, and the smell of bbqs and jasmine in the air. Love it. If I could bottle it I would. Guaranteed to bring a smile to my face.

Where and when did you meet the love of your life?
T and I met in 1997 (can that be right??). We were so young. We met at the races - a young member's day I think - and found out afterwards that we knew lots of each other's friends. It was quite astonishing that we hadn't crossed paths earlier. Just mustn't have been our time until then I guess.

We've been together now for 13 years, and married for nearly 9. We're one of those lucky couples that has grown together as we've grown older, rather than apart, and we know how rare that is.

We're best friends.

What three words would your friends outside of the blogging world use to describe you?
This is a funny one because I was just having this conversation with some girlfriends the other night. We were at the Valentino exhibition, and some bubbles had been consumed, so I'm not sure how truthful this is, but they said intelligent, bubbly and kind.

What country would you like to visit and why?
I'm lucky that I've travelled a lot. But I've never been to Asia. I don't know why. I think it's because it always felt so close to home that we figured we do it "later". Still waiting!! I really want to see Vietnam.

We've also been talking about where we can travel easily with the boys and have a Japan ski trip, a trip to Canada, and a driving holiday through Germany all competing for next year's holiday.

What is your favourite dish to cook?
I love cooking. Not as much as I used to, but I think that's more about time available and exhaustion levels. But when I do it, I always remember why I love it.

I love cooking two things over and above everything else. Risotto with grilled mushrooms, and a traditional roast chicken with the scrummiest roast potatoes in the world (how's that for confidence :) )

Salt or sugar?
I have low blood sugar and low blood pressure, which is apparently why my body craves salt. When it's really low I am sometimes compelled to pour a little bit of salt into my palm and lick it straight off. Isn't that revolting?

But I love sweet tea. I always try to cut back the sugar I have (2) but I never manage it. Ever.

What are your must have make up or beauty items?
Mascara. Lashings of it. I'm a bit of a tart too - I don't have any product loyalty. I'm constantly searching for the holy grail of mascaras. At the moment I am LOVING Estee Lauder Double Wear. It's so fabulous that I may actually buy it again.

And blush. I love red rosy cheeks.I'm currently using MAC Cubic - a powder blush, but will change to a stain soon I think.

What are your favourite flowers?
I have three favourite flowers. Gerberas because they are so vibrant. They look like they're smiling. I can't walk past them without grinning back. I had them for my wedding because I couldn't think of anything else that would make me smile as much.

Tulips. The first flower I fell in love with when I was a little girl. I thought I'd never seen anything so beautiful. And there is still something about a field of tulips that takes my breath away.

And, peonies. Divine. So so so pretty. Romantic. And so hard to get!!!

What are your worst vices...honestly?
I have a tiny penchant for the dramatic.. Not in a 'throw myself on the ground and scream and yell' kind of way, but quite strange things seem to happen to me a bit more than is probably normal. And I don't mind a *little bit* of artistic license in story-telling :)

At what time of your life were you happiest and why?
The moment I saw my babies for the very first time. I can't describe it well enough to do it justice. But I loved them so much, so intensely, and so instantly that for a second I couldn't breathe. I've never been so happy, so proud, so relieved, and so in love.

So now, a couple of other girls who I'd love to know a bit more about:

Jacki at More than a Mummy
Amanda at Homely One
Kylie at The Rockgarden
Shan at Missy Melly

I'd love to hear your answers if you have time or the inclination for this bit of fun

Thanks so much Sarah. This has been fun. That raspberry cake sounds delicious.
xx

Waving the white flag

I've officially surrendered. Arms up. Admitted defeat.

I will never win the battle of twinaphernalia.

From the bottles on the sink, to the baby bath and toys in the bathroom, to the portacot permanently up in our bedroom, to the rumpus room toy floor, and the spare bed still covered in presents from their first birthday party, the house has been taken over.

And you can't miss it. Primary colour bonanza! It smacks you in the face from every angle.

How can two such tiny little people amass more possessions than I think I have gathered in the past 33 years?? What kid needs 47 stuffed toys? And where did they come from? I know I didn't buy a single one of them.

One day I'll tackle it, but right now, I'm too tired. So instead, I might just sit down and have a little play with the stacking cups :)

raining

It's raining here. Really raining. Our pool is overflowing, as are our dams. The roads are turning into rivers.

We're all a little sick here too - chesty coughs, runny noses and eyes, lots of Vicks.

The boys are sleeping like angels, and I am drinking endless cups of sweet tea under a warm duvet surrounded by my favourite mags.

I don't mind it actually. It's nice to slow down every now and then.

Thank you

Darling T

Thank you for sitting with me last night while I worked until very late, and for helping me when it all got a bit too much.

Thank you for letting me sleep this morning when the boys woke with the birds.

Thank you for knowing me so well that you know what I need before I know it myself.

I love you
Jx

Changing

My little men are growing up so quickly.

We had lunch today with some dear friends who have a little girl a few weeks older than the boys, and a brand new 9 day old little baby girl.

She is *teeny tiny*. Tiny! Well, she seems it. I can't believe that only a year ago my little ones were only 1/3 of the size she is.

I truly had (and still don't really) no comprehension of just how little they were.

But you'd never know it now. This is them. Growing up faster than I can believe. Loving the car.

Grateful

This Saturday I'm grateful for a husband who does the washing up. And wipes up all the resultant peripheral splashes.
And who brings me extra sweet cups of tea.
And who spends all day digging out ugly plants and replacing them with pretty ones.

Thank you darling.

xx


(ps play along with Maxabella here)

Wednesday weirdness #2

I can't sit down at my desk to concentrate on work if there is mess in my line of sight. I am one of those people who need a clean, calm environment in order for my brain to work. If something is bugging me, I *have* to fix it before I can be even vaguely productive.

Unfortunately I am easily distracted, and a queen of procrastination.

I also have two one year olds and my work space is in the same area as the playroom. It's never, ever tidy.

This is generally therefore a gigantic problem.

I race around like an idiot trying to clean up, but then feel like I ought to be working, so race back to the computer, only to be completely unable to do anything until 'that thing, right there, taunting me', is put away, only to realise it's a bigger job than I thought, so go back to the computer instead... and so on.

I'm sure it must be hilarious - and perhaps a little frightening - to watch.

Learning

The little men are learning so much, so quickly.

Hamish has learned 'ta', and he is adorable. Every time we make eye contact with him he is proffering something up saying 'ta' in the most beautiful little voice. He hands it over very seriously (sometimes - other times he really isn't interested in letting it got) and then holds his hand out to get it back, "ta".

And sometimes he just barrels head-long into Lach, clocks him one, steals his toy, and then looks up with huge shining angelic eyes smiling, and whispers "ta".

The Rock-Star has started standing un-aided.

He starts by holding on to something - usually the sofa and warms up with a few laps, getting faster and faster. He stops, suddenly, and lets go holding both hands up like he's surrendering before falling onto his tiny little bum giggling.

Funny, adorable little men.

An emerald green frock

I don't watch Cold Case. There's no particular reason for it, it's just never been on my radar.

However, a while ago (a month? maybe two?) I was flicking channels and stopped in my tracks. There was a blonde woman, at a wedding, wearing one of the most beautiful frocks I have ever seen.

I couldn't stop thinking about it. In fact, I went online and searched everything I could think of to find out what it was, who designed it, where I could get it. No luck. So I stopped thinking about it (except when I see anything emerald green in a store window!)

Then, a week or so later, a wedding invitation arrived in the mail. And I haven't been able to stop thinking about it since.

I need this dress. I NEEEEEEEED it. Where oh where can I buy you most beautiful frock I've seen in a very long time?

Wednesday weirdness #1

I was just hanging my washing out, something that is a source of great hilarity to my family and friends.

I have this thing about pegs. They have to match. I can't hang something out with two different pegs. Physically cannot do it.

Sometimes T hangs things out with un-matching pegs just to see my reaction.

And react, I do.

freakoutalittleandcan'tstopmyselffromfixingit.

Yes, I have been known to unpeg and rehang an entire line of washing because of mis-matched pegs. Something that, you know, is an efficient use of all those spare hours I have in my day at the moment.

I have tried to address this issue by buying pegs that are identical. Same size, same colour. Do you know how hard it is to buy packs of single colour pegs (well aside from the wooden ones that just don't last the distance)? Impossible.

There's an idea!

Dreaming of...

.... a long luxurious bath: just me and Jo Malone, some tunes, candles and champagne. ah bliss.

FRIDAY PRIDE DAY

I give myself a really hard time. I don't realise how much I expect of myself, and this week it took a mini-meltdown and an honest talk from T to understand that it's not healthy or helpful.

I think we all expect too much of ourselves, and spend too much time wrestling with guilt and worth.

So, I've decided that instead of wasting precious energy worrying and feeling guilty about all the things I haven't managed to achieve, I am going to celebrate the things I have.

They might not be huge things, but I'm happy I managed them.

1. I wrote half an annual report this week for my client, and it's good. They're really really happy with it, and I feel proud of it.

2. I've cooked something for dinner every night this week!

So there you go. Two things I am proud of this week.

Maybe something this little each week might help.

I, for one, feel better already. And hey, it's Friday!!

#29 Don't bite off more than you can chew

it will only cause you to feel incapable and guilty - and neither of those are worth wasting your precious energy on.

It's the small things

Someone asked me the other day what it was about our house that made me want to buy it.

I know I should have said things about land size and aspect and rooflines and proximity to things.

But can I tell you a secret? There were two main things:

It's in a street called Princess.

And there is a specially built room for clothes and shoes. A shoe room! I've always wanted one of those :)

A perfect weekend

photography by the very talented Katie Walker-Smith

A whole year old

Hamish, my darling baby

I adore you with every breath in my body. You are such a special treasure. With your bottomless eyes, your special smile, your gentle way and your generous nature.

You are a darling. That's the best word to describe you. You really are. You are so enamoured with life. Everything delights you. Your eyes are constantly lit with joy -so visible that it brings tears to mine.

You are such a happy little chappy. You are generous with your love and your cuddles. You bring smiles and love to everyone you meet.

Just yesterday, at the park, a woman and her little girl walked by - you gave them such big smiles that she said "hello you gorgeous happy little boy". And you are.

You've come a long way too. When you were first born, you had respiratory distress syndrome, so had to be ventilated. Your poor little lungs just weren't quite ready for the job of breathing for you, so you needed a little help. It wasn't for long, but there were 4 days at the beginning of your tiny life when you were in a higher level of ICU than Lachie. And even then, when you were only hours old, we could see how gentle and calm you were.

Your mama and daddy love you so much that sometimes - just for a millisecond - we can't breathe. It's so overwhelming - this love we have for you - that we sometimes wonder what we did to deserve the ridiculous amount of happiness that we feel.

As ever, my darling angel boy, all the love in the universe
Your Mama

Darling Lachlan

Could I love you any more? I don't think so. But every day I'm so surprised, because I do.

You are such a cheeky, entertaining, joyous, mischevious little boy.

And you are all of a sudden a little boy. You have so much spark, and so much independence. Nothing baby-ish about you anymore -except when you're tired and you snuggle in for special cuddles. You'll alway be my baby.

You're our intrepid explorer. Nothing is off-limits. Every corner, table, sofa, bench, cupboard is a wonderland waiting to be discovered.

You learn so quickly. You repeat songs back to us, you clap when we clap. You love clapping so much - it totally rocks your world. You get so excited and laugh so much that you literally topple over. Adorable.

You have come so far in a year, littlest one. From a tiny little baby who had stopped growing in-utero at 28 weeks gestation, with umbilical cord problems, born prematurely at only 2 pounds something and with a bleeding stomach, to a vibrant, cheeky darling boy who is so tall you're nearly off the charts, and with a personality even bigger.

As for your mama and daddy, well we've come a long way too. Our first year of being parents has been the most wonderful time of our lives. We didn't really know how much capacity we had for loving you. We didn't know how happy it was possible to be. Our hearts are so full of love that sometimes it actually aches.

I couldn't be more proud of you my amazing, strong, determined little scamp.

As ever, all the love in the universe
Your Mama

#28 Patience really is a virtue

this is one I'm still working on too :)

Oh dear, the cake(s)

I am officially the world's worst cake decorator.

I tried. I really did. I did a "practice cake" so that on Friday night when I need to get the world's most important first birthday cakes made, it's not a mad rush, panic and disaster.

It was worse than I expected. I didn't think it would look like one of those magazine cakes, but I had a vision in my head, only it failed to manifest on my cake.

It should have been simple - cut cake into 'kite' shape, ice with buttercream (smooth of course - aha, downfall 1), divide cake into 4 kite segments with licorice strips (which refused to stay straight and instead curved off in the most ridiculous fashion), pour hundreds and thousands into opposite segments (and not spill any into the other segments - hmmmm).

Sounds easy. WAS NOT. Oh dear. And I'm making two! (I have twin sisters who both said to me almost the minute I announced I was expecting twins - "whatever you do, you have to give them their own birthday cakes!" - sounds like childhood trauma to me!)

Now it's too late to get them made, plus I have that whole "it's their first birthday, I'm their mama, I should make their cakes' thing going on.

I'm sure there are tricks I don't know about. I'm sure patience is one of them. Please find me patience...!

xx

The weekend, briefly

First Father's Day (so special), yummy breakfast, lots of cuddles, and some new pieces of furniture

I've had to sew them in

Truly, I have. See?






My babies are so excited about their not-even-so-new-anymore-found ability to stand up that they do it all the time. All day. All night. Even when they are so so so tired they literally can't open their eyes or hold their heads up, they still trying to stand up in their cots. It's like they're compelled to do it, as though it's beyond their control. Even in their sleeping bags!!

We found that if we put gentle pressure on their mid-section - just resting a hand across their tummy/chest - they would be instantly asleep, but the micro-second we let go, they were UP! UP! UP! Crying, wanting to be asleep, but unable to stop themselves from snapping back up to standing.

After nearly two months of 10-12 wake ups per night, we had to do something. None of us was getting any sleep. We were all miserable and exhausted.

So, I sewed them in. Well, I turned an old cloth nappy into a wide band that folds across their tummies and keeps them in position.

I felt so guilty as I was making them, and even worse as I put them on the beds and "strapped them in". But then.... bliss! 13 HOURS OF UNINTERRUPTED SLEEP. That was nearly 2 weeks ago, and it's been the same every night since.

They can get out if they really want to. Lach has taken his off twice when he wasn't ready for sleep. But they do seem to like them - I guess it's like being swaddled again. They certainly needed them. T and I needed them. We're all better rested and lot happier in our little house.

#27 Have at least one grand adventure

it will give you a lifetime of memories to revel in and stories to share. Everyone deserves a grand adventure - you will learn so much about yourself.

The weekend

T's birthday, a long late dinner with good friends and good wine, a happy baby shower, the boys' first ever (!!) sleepover, the first sleep-in in a year, cake, presents, singstar, and fun. That was our lovely weekend :)